Last of the First Great Generation

The last veteran from World War I died at age 110. The Los Angeles Times:

Frank Woodruff Buckles, a onetime Missouri farm boy who was the last known living American veteran of World War I, has died. He was 110.

Buckles, who later spent more than three years in a Japanese POW camp as a civilian in the Philippines during World War II, died Sunday of natural causes at his home in Charles Town, W.Va., family spokesman David DeJonge said.

A total of 4,734,991 Americans served in the military during World War I.

When 108-year-old Harry Landis died in Sun City Center, Fla. on Feb. 4, 2008, Buckles became the war's last standing U.S. veteran.

"I always knew I'd be one of the last because I was one of the youngest when I joined," Buckles, then 107, told the New York Daily News. "But I never thought I'd be the last one."

Knock down all the ducks and win a prize!

Louis Farrakhan is off his meds again:

Nation of Islam leader Minister Louis Farrakhan predicted on Sunday that America faces imminent uprisings that mirror those in the Middle East.

"What you are looking at in Tunisia, in Egypt ... Libya, in Bahrain ... what you see happening there ... you'd better prepare because it will be coming to your door," Farrakhan said in a booming voice, thousands of followers cheering in his wake.

The difference between the United States and those Third World shitholes, you ignorant goomba, is that most Americans are armed. Well armed.

So please haul all of your smelly muzzie carcasses onto my property without my permission. I would be absolutely delighted! Target-rich environments are the most fun a guy can have in a vertical position -- and a close second in the prone.

Ooh, that smell, Can't you smell that smell

And no it is not the hippies this time.

Dumber'n a bag o' rocks

Shoplifting Rule #1: check the store for cops before starting your dash-and-grab. Two punks tried to steal some beer and chips from a PakiMart, but failed to notice the four sheriff's deputies in the store with them. Expeditious encapturement ensued.

There's video at the link. Naturally one of the detained dimwits is wearing a hoodie -- cuz he be a GANGSTA! Yo!

Lock them up with Bubba the Buttfucker and throw away the key.

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Hat-tip to Derek M.

Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice

Four-by-four foursome:

As he approached the vehicle, the deputy noticed a strong smell of alcohol coming from the cab of the truck. In the pickup's bed, the deputy found an assortment of clothes and a partially empty case of Busch Light.

And up front...were two men and two women -- all four naked.

[The] deputy asked what the four were doing.

"Well, I think we're getting in trouble," one said...

You're a funny guy! We'll taser you twice.

The driver, 32, was arrested on suspicion of third-offense driving under the influence, an open alcohol container violation, not wearing a seat belt and overloading the front seat of a vehicle.

Overloading the front seat of a vehicle is a crime? Every Mexican family in Houston should be in jail. Except that then we'd be overloading the jails. In fact, they'd be stacked up like... well, like Mexicans in a Volkswagen.

DWB

Researchers work to develop a vehicle that can be driven by the blind

Blind people are already driving; most of them are between my house and my office.

Brain Freeze

A hippie hut classroom in London is an unmitigated disaster:

The much feted zero-carbon Living Ark classroom was opened three months ago to great fanfare.

It boasts laudable green credentials and is made from sustainable wood, sheep’s wool and soil. The roof is made of mud and grass and it has its own ‘rain pod’ and solar panels. But there is snag – its solar panels only provide enough energy to power a few lightbulbs.

As a result the classroom is bitterly cold and uninhabitable for lessons.

Silly eco-hippies; engineering and construction are activities for mature adults. Go back to planting trees and leave the real work to those qualified for it.

Friday Timewaster

Ricochet 'em to death.


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Cookie Monster

Hands off mah cookies, biatch!

According to police reports Howard came into her roommate's bedroom while she was sleeping and accused her of eating her cookies. The woman said she had given the cookies to Howard's children who were up, and hungry, at 1 a.m.

The woman offered Howard $10 to pay for the cookies, but reports say Howard refused and the two women began to argue. The argument became physical and the woman's husband pulled Howard off her, while she ran from the room.

Reports say Howard picked up a pair of scissors and followed the woman in a threatening manner. The woman ran down the stairs, but reports say Howard dropped the scissors and picked up a board and struck her as she ran down the stairs.

The woman then ran to the kitchen, where Howard followed her, knocked her to the ground and continued to hit her. The husband separated them again, allowing the woman to run out of the house. Howard, reports say, followed and picked up a sign and began to strike the woman again.

Scissors, a board, a sign... Impressive use of improvised weapons. Rather than tossing her in the can (and thus putting ourselves in the position of paying for her daily ration of cookies), I propose that we strap a parachute on her ass, tell her the pie-rats stole her cookies, and then drop her into a Somali pirate camp.

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Hat-tip to Jeff W.

How Not To Be Seen

You betcha!

Authorities arrested a conflicted shoplifter who admitted he had to pick between shoplifting $50 worth of merchandise at Walmart or running "through the street naked" after losing a bet, according to a police report.

Krakow was caught shoplifting a USB card, two dinner spoons, a nutcracker, a decorative tree and T-shirts...

"Hrm. Lessee now... What would be unobtrusive and easy to walk out of the store with? Oooh, I know! That decorative tree over there!"

Hey Wisconsin Teachers...

Look East and see your future.

Michigan orders DPS to make huge cuts
Bobb told to consolidate services, close half of schools to end deficit

Lansing— Swift and severe changes are coming to Detroit Public Schools.
State education officials have ordered Robert Bobb to immediately implement a financial restructuring plan that balances the district's books by closing half of its schools, swelling high school class sizes to 60 students and consolidating operations.

Why does Detroit need to close half of its schools. Debt. Where did this debt come from you ask?

A general fund budget strapped with annual fixed costs such as $52.6 million in pension costs, $44.6 million for health care, $26.8 million in utilities, $6.6 million in public safety and $3.5 million in unemployment. Continuing enrollment declines. DPS has lost 83,336 students in the last decade, leading to a loss in state aid of more than $573 million.

It is my opinion that liberals seem to be socialists when it comes to other peoples money and clamor for a "fair and equitable distribution" of wages and benefits, but are dyed in the wool, Gordon Gecko capitalists when it comes to their money and jobs. Keep fighting for an overpaid salary and benefits now and be unemployed a year from now. Good call.

Stop

Gimme dem teef!

Throw momma from the trans:

A man assaulted his disabled mother and stole her dentures, police said.

"Man"? I don't think so. I'm not sure what that is, but I'm certain it'll be popular in prison.

Christie for Prez?

New Jersey Governor Christie, speaking to the firefighters' union, whose pensions he is trying to save by making the hard decisions necessary to get the plan back into solvency:

Mr. Christie had proposed raising their retirement age, eliminating the cost-of-living adjustment, increasing employee pension contributions, and rolling back a 9% pay increase approved years before "by a Republican governor and a Republican Legislature."

As Mr. Chrisie recounted it: "You can imagine how that was received by 7,500 firefighters. As I walked into the room and was introduced. I was booed lustily. I made my way up to the stage, they booed some more. . . . So I said, 'Come on, you can do better than that,' and they did!"

He crumpled up his prepared remarks and threw them on the floor. He told them, "Here's the deal: I understand you're angry, and I understand you're frustrated, and I understand you feel deceived and betrayed." And, he said, they were right: "For 20 years, governors have come into this room and lied to you, promised you benefits that they had no way of paying for, making promises they knew they couldn't keep, and just hoping that they wouldn't be the man or women left holding the bag. I understand why you feel angry and betrayed and deceived by those people. Here's what I don't understand. Why are you booing the first guy who came in here and told you the truth?"

Presidential. And he outmaneuvers reporters effortlessly.

He is looking more like my guy every day. God knows we're way overdue for a real leader in the White House.

I can already hear some rumblings from the far right about "Christie is soft on immigration" or "he'll let the fags live together" or "he doesn't believe in *insert pet cause here*". You know what? Get the fuck over it.

If we all sit around waiting on our Perfect Candidate, we're going to end up with Obama for another four years -- or worse -- and then you can just kiss your precious conservative ideals goodbye. This is the time to pull together and find a strong leader you can stomach, someone who is going to act to get the country moving in the proper fiscal direction again. All your pet peeves can wait. Make a choice, or the press will shove another McCain into the GOP spotlight, blinking and looking like an ineffectual dork.

Full article at WSJ here. If you don't have a WSJ subscription, just Google "where the leaders are WSJ" (without the quotes) and the backdoor link will pop up at the top of the search.

Crackas!

Double standards:

Most of you won't know the name John Wiley Price, but he's obviously a man well qualified to hold a position at the Eric Holder Justice Department. What has Price, a Dallas County Commissioner, done to distinguish himself?

He told a group of five citizens, "All of you are white. Go to hell!"

Ah, the Great Society in action. Thank you, LBJ!

The Violent Friday Timewaster

You hate word games. Okay, fine. Go shoot something.

Happy?


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More Words

Test your etymological knowledge of English. Play at the egghead difficulty level or stay under the porch.

Friday Timewaster

Word Vine.


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Clear and Present Danger

I think we've been playing footsie with Mexico and the drug cartels for long enough. After this, I think it is time for Green Berets, Seals, and Force Recon teams to fix the problem. That would be a better use of our military than regime change in the Middle East. Just my 2 cents.

You scream, I scream

We all scream for ....ice cream?

MarioKart Klepto

She be stealin!

Investigators said Perkins was attempting to leave the Rochester Road Meijer with more than $600 worth of stolen electronic merchandise when her cart got stuck and she was unable to drive out the door.

The door alarm was activated when Perkins passed through it around 9:20 p.m. Tuesday, and Meijer employees approached her asking for a receipt for the items.

Perkins — approximately 5 foot 2 and 400 pounds...

Whoa! Whoa there! Cut that heifer back in the herd, outriders! She's breakin!

A sheriff’s deputy arrived and asked Perkins to put her hands behind her back, but she “cursed at the deputy, balled her right hand into a fist and took a fighting stance,”

Really? What exactly would that "fighting stance" entail? Does she roll up in a ball and Indiana Jones your ass? Ah, she's just mad because she can't put her hands behind her back. It's discrimination, I say!

The deputy Tasered Perkins, who then complied with the deputy’s commands and was taken to jail.

Impressive. He must have the CattleProd 3000 model of taser. Nothing short of that would have induced compliance -- or even registered, I'd think.

Shoplifting from a fatty cart. So, lazy AND stupid. Great combination. I'm betting she's an Obama supporter. Call it an educated guess.

Missing the Point

RunInCircles:

Last Week Asteroid "2011 CQ1" Made the Closest Near-Earth Miss on Record

Oh dear. That's not good at all, huh? We might have All Died Horribly™.

On Friday, a meter-sized asteroid called 2011 CQ1 was observed streaking only 5480 kilometres above the Earth's surface -the closest near mi--

Hold on just a second... "meter-sized"? It was three feet in diamter? Three fucking FEET?! Never mind.

In other news:

Dweeb: "Holy crap! I was just nearly shot in the head!"

Dweebette: "OMG! What happened?"

Dweeb: "Well, Dweeb Junior's cap gun went off, and I was standing really near to it!"

Dweebette: *glare*

Dweeb: "But... it was like really close to my head! And it was, like... loud... and stuff."


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Residuals

Scream, Panic and Run in Little Circles

This ain't far from the truth...

The Winning Puff

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Hat-tip to Dave M.

Friday Timewaster

Since you're not planning on doing anything useful today, you may as well try your hand at being a rocket scientist.


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Castigo Divina

Indiana teen gets bible-thumped:

The boy told police he had been handcuffed to a kitchen chair after he was arrested three weeks ago for shoplifting. As punishment, his mother confined him to a 6-foot by 4-foot room with only a Bible and told him to think about what he'd done.

Roughly two weeks ago, when the teen's mother found out he'd somehow gotten an MP3 player, he was then handcuffed to a chair in his room from 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. Meals were brought to him. At bedtime, the teen was handcuffed to a desk leg.

That'll learn ya! Every god-fearin' person knows that MP3 players are actually minor demons which have been compressed into material form and transmuted to Earth by the Dark Master Jobs and his Sith apprentice Gates. I mean... Apple, serpent... Helloooo!?

(I love that the article has a helpful file photo of a pair of handcuffs... You know, just in case you've never seen handcuffs before.)

The Clash

A woman adopted a rescue dog from a shelter, but decided to return him. Why, you ask? Was he tearing up the furniture? Peeing on the wood floors? No, not exactly...

"In Harvey's case the woman was in the kennels looking for a dog when Harvey was brought in as a stray. She fell in love with him straight away and visited him for seven days before being allowed to take him home.

"The same day she took him home she called us up and said there was a problem with Harvey as his colouring clashed with her lounge curtains.

"We told her to put him in another room, but two days later she brought him back and said she had spent a lot of money on her curtains and that she didn't want Harvey any more."

Stupid cow. Too bad Harvey didn't take the opportunity to tear up her curtains before being dumped back at the pound.

25 Years of Computer Virus Evolution

Today's PC History lesson and yes, there will be a test.

Ani

Known as The City of 1001 Churches, the ruins of those religious edifices are all that is left of a once-thriving trade center situated between modern-day Turkey and Armenia. Piclick to learn more.

Bird-brained

H.R. Puff'n'shot:

River Falls manager charged for negligently shooting employee after missing a bird at cookie-making factory

He was on the hunt for pesky birds in the rafters. One landed on the floor. The plant manager allegedly got down, lay low, fired bird shot from a rifle but missed the bird. However, according to a River Falls police report and a criminal complaint, an employee was hit in the back of the head.

Mr. Cheney, is that you?

Fowl Play

That's a stabbin':

Cockfighting can be a fatal activity, not just for the roosters.

A 35-year-old Lamont man died Sunday after being stabbed in the leg by a sharp blade that was attached to a fighting bird, authorities said.

I'd love to hear how the preacher works that one into the eulogy. I propose: "He was done-in by his love of cocks."

Your health papers please, Comrade...

Veterans are denied the right to smoke in their own Legion hall.

Welcome to the New America. It's a lot like the old Soviet Union.

On second thought, that's unfair: the Soviets would never have denied their veterans the right to smoke in a Legion hall. They had enormous respect for veterans. No, we've got something far worse than the Soviet Communist Party in modern America; we've got citizens who are Concerned For Your Health.

I suspect that by the time I die, I'll be quite happy to depart the liberal-infested hellhole this country will have become. May they all rot in it -- while munching their unflavored tofu and drinking their recycled toilet water.

Allah Assholes

A school district here in my home state, the Once and Future Republic of Texas, accepted grant money from Barry and Nancy and then attempted to force their middle-schoolers to take Arabic language classes -- "a language of the future," according to the witless liberal bureaucrats at the federal Department of Edumacation. Problem for them was, they were trying to be sneaky little commie fucktards and attempted to hide it from the parents until the last minute. That didn't work out so well for them.

I have no children, but it occurs to me that I'll pay very good money to watch as some pencil-dicked lefty school administrator tries to tell Fundy that his kids have to take a mandatory class in The Chosen Language of Terrorists. The fireworks will be rather spectacular. I'll take video.

On a more serious note, I find it very worrisome that the Feds are evidently talking directly to local school districts. I'm pretty sure the intent of that whole Constitution thing was that the federal government could only interact with citizens of a state through their state government, short of arresting them for interstate crimes. The only "interstate crime" I see happening here is that a man who has yet to prove himself a natural-born citizen of the United States is in the White House, making nice with Muslim terrorist organizations and running our economy into the dirt in a blatant attempt to socialize it.

Besides all that, it's not necessary for Americans to learn to speak Arabic. I can tell you from personal experience that Arabs understand gestures made with the muzzle of rifle quite well, thank you.

"Genius"

Linked for the mugshot.

This piece of trash is a convincing argument for the merits of police brutality. I can't imagine anyone being the least bit distraught if this walking crap pile mysteriously disappeared on the way to the station house.

Monday Timewaster

Because Global Warming shut down Houston on Friday.

Torpedoes away!

No Brain Cell

That special kind of stupid:

On Friday, two days after a powerful and quick-moving snowstorm cut power to about 210,000 Pepco customers, a man broke into a Silver Spring house to steal jewelry.

As the burglar was rifling through the rooms in that house, the homeowner's son arrived and startled him. The burglar jumped out a window and fled. The son called police, who searched the house.

They were stunned at what was found: a cellphone, charging in an electric socket, that didn't belong to the homeowner.

The phone led police to Cody Wilkins, who is now charged in 10 burglaries.

Now he nose better

To Boldly Go...

If you're a Trekkie, this is pure gold: it's Gene Roddenberry's original Star Trek pitch paper to television execs, dated March of 1964. Reading it makes clear the fact that many of the concepts, story devices and stage techniques used in modern televised sci-fi were invented by The Great Bird -- something for which he is rarely given credit.

Fascinating.

Not So Tasty

Celebrity foods gone wrong.

Rachel Ray's Nurtrish Dog Food. In a blind taste test with her human-food dishes, it won.

Ron Jeremy's Rum? Um... no.

Get Ichy

The Big C doin' a rumba on your prostate? Go for the fish breath. (By which I mean eating more seafood... Perv.)

Alright, gents. We know you’re drooling for that burger, but if you’ve got prostate cancer, do yourself a favor and choose the fish. Research shows that men with a higher intake of fish had a slower spread of prostate cancer and a lower risk of death compared to those who didn’t eat as much fish. With over 215,000 new cases of prostate cancer and more than 32,000 deaths in 2010 in the U.S. alone, that’s a reason to choose sushi over barbecue for lunch.

If you have difficulty making changes to your diet without a plan of attack, you could follow the Okinawa or Mediterranean diets, which are both high in fish and low in meat.

I thought "the Okinawa diet" consisted of greasy beef yakisoba served in a cheap plastic bowl at three in the morning.

Disciplinary Action

Inta th' don jon with ya, lil' bastiches!

Two parents have filed separate lawsuits against the Cumberland County Board of Education claiming their children were locked in a janitor's closet as punishment.

According to the complaints, it was a policy at the school to send students who were "acting up in class" to work with Lee.

On the undated incident, three children were locked in Lee's closet as punishment, according to the lawsuits, which claim that children at the school referred to the closet as "The Dungeon."

Crybabies. You should count your blessings; at least the random encounter roll came up negative. You could have been locked in there with a troop of angry bugbears.