Castigo Divina

Indiana teen gets bible-thumped:

The boy told police he had been handcuffed to a kitchen chair after he was arrested three weeks ago for shoplifting. As punishment, his mother confined him to a 6-foot by 4-foot room with only a Bible and told him to think about what he'd done.

Roughly two weeks ago, when the teen's mother found out he'd somehow gotten an MP3 player, he was then handcuffed to a chair in his room from 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. Meals were brought to him. At bedtime, the teen was handcuffed to a desk leg.

That'll learn ya! Every god-fearin' person knows that MP3 players are actually minor demons which have been compressed into material form and transmuted to Earth by the Dark Master Jobs and his Sith apprentice Gates. I mean... Apple, serpent... Helloooo!?

(I love that the article has a helpful file photo of a pair of handcuffs... You know, just in case you've never seen handcuffs before.)