Shark Tank

Many popular beaches in Australia are closed this summer (remember, they're upside down) due to multiple sightings of 16+ ft great white sharks close in to shore. They've been more aggressive than normal, killing dolphins and causing general movie-like mayhem. Naturally a few genetic back-markers are defying the closings. Here's a video of two idiots in a 10 ft fishing boat taking smartphone (the most grossly misnamed device in human history) video of a 16-footer circling and nudging their boat. It apparently never occurred to them that they should: 1) Pull their bait out of the water and; 2) Start the engine and GTFOutta dodge. Future nature snacks, I'm pretty certain.

Speaking of the mentally deficient, the article goes on to quote a woman who claims to be an "environmental psychologist." Forthwith:

An environmental psychologist, Dr Susie Burke, sees the shark frenzy of the past weeks as a teachable moment. “It’s a great opportunity to show we aren’t really in charge, that we aren’t the only stakeholders,” she says. “We have to consider how to adapt to our environment, rather than dominate our environment.”

Susie, there's this thing called a food chain. By bent of our large brains (more my ancestors than yours, apparently) and opposable thumbs, we're in charge of the planet. That's because we can kill and eat any animal on it easily and at will. I think the most enduring "teachable moment" we could claim from this "opportunity" would come about if you were to smear yourself in liverwurst and go for a nice long swim at a shark-infested beach. Or perhaps the mouth-breathers in the boat could give you a head start on finding one of those toothy "stakeholders." Either way, I'm pretty certain no one is going to miss the half-penny advice of an environmental psychologist.


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