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Thursday, November 05, 2020

Wowsers!



At the risk of sounding crass, I must say that those are some truly specatacular... overalls.

Monday, November 02, 2020

Psychadelic Kitchen

What you see after using the wrong mushrooms in the spaghetti sauce...



Is that a giant white tribble sitting on the floating platform next to the green spider chair?! Gaaah! I hate tribbles!

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Cataracted



For a couple of years now I haven't been able to get a good lens prescription for my left eye. It had come to the point that trying to read a computer screen had my head bobbing back and forth on my neck like a myopic turkey. I finally gave up on the local KiddieVision Collective, seemingly manned (or girled, as it were) by a bunch of twenty-something recent graduates from the Eye Think Eye Can! Academy, and went back to the man who prescribed my first pair of glasses 41 years ago. It was a 90 minute drive each way, but well worth it. He peered into my left eye for five seconds and pronounced "Yup. You've got a cataract."

Ah, the joys of aging.

I won't even plumb the depths of why the Scrappy Doo Visionary Center couldn't see this giant milky thing in the middle of my goddamned eye. Like fully half the people I encounter on a daily basis, they're just willfully and proudly incompetent. That's what our "education" system has produced for our society over the last twenty years and it ain't getting any better. It's become a race between a natural death and societal collapse. Not exactly how I had envisioned (see what I did there?) my retiring years.

Anyway, I now have to get my eyes cut open this January, which prospect fills me with joy. And of course my crappy post-Obamacare insurance is only going to pay for one eye, since the cataract in the other eye isn't "fully mature" -- as if it were going to suddenly go away or something. So, out with the checkbook. That seems to be the story of life, does it not? When you're young, you have no money. When you're old, you have the money but you spend it all on doctors instead of hookers and booze. I swear this fucking campaign world was designed by a sadist.

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

Quality Entertainment

Multidimensional Snake Dick.

Hey, it's got to be better than everything that won an Academy Award last year. And the year before. And before that. Hollywood has become completely incapable of making a film that doesn't preach leftism and social justice. So the indies have to make the snake dick flicks.

There is balance here.

Monday, October 26, 2020

The Mad Builder's Scrapbook

Sometime contributor The Mad Builder of Periwinkle has created a Tumblr for your visual enjoyment. It's filled with the weird and wonderful images you'd expect from a slightly unhinged resident of that mythical state.

No Surprise

Monday, October 19, 2020

You're doing it wrong...

I think we can assume this didn't end well.

Tuesday, October 06, 2020

Chastised

There's an app for that:

The Qiui Cellmate internet-connected chastity lock, billed as the “world’s first app controlled chastity device,” could have allowed anyone to remotely and permanently lock in the user’s penis.


Um... and you would put your penis in this thing... why? Personally, I'm quite particular about where I put mine. Maybe I'm just not with the times?

Because the chamber was designed to lock with a metal ring underneath the user’s penis, the researchers said it may require the intervention of a heavy-duty bolt cutter or an angle grinder to free the user.


"Penis" and "angle grinder" should never, ever be used in the same sentence. In case you were in doubt.

“The app stopped working completely after three days and I am stuck!” said one user. Another said they “got already stuck twice when wearing it due to the unreliable app.”


Waitwaitwait... TWICE?! You mean to tell me that you put this stupid thing on, it trapped Junior agsinst your will, and then YOU DID IT AGAIN?! I'm sorry, sir, but the Man Council has deliberated on this matter and we've decided that you are too stupid to own a penis. Please go with the nurse and you'll be relieved of the responsibility. I'm sure the LGBTWTFBBQ+/- crowd will welcome you with open arms. Please give some thought to your new Post-Penile Pronoun of Preference.