Freaks moving to France

As you've no doubt heard, we're all gonna die horribly in 2012 -- unless we're in rural France, natch:

Residents of the tiny southern French hamlet of Bugarach, population 194, are up in arms at a rising influx of Doomsday believers convinced it is the only place that will survive judgement day in 2012.

Apocalypse devotees dressed in white are now a familiar sight in this picturesque village, drawn here by various New Age theories including claims that a nearby rocky outcrop, the Pic de Bugarach, harbours an alien technical base.

"These blasted prophets from all over the world have turned our mountain into some sort of UFO garage..."

A UFO garage? Man, I bet their hourly rates are out of this world.

Bugarach has become a focal point for many Apocalypse believers as rumours have circulated that its mountain contains doors into other worlds, or that extraterrestrials will return here on Judgement day to take refuge at their base.

"The aliens will get here soon, we need to prepare for their arrival," said 42-year-old Kean, who travelled here from the Netherlands to witness the return of the otherworldly beings.

So lemme see if I've got this straight, Kean: beings who aren't currently on this planet (and thus by definition have the ability to leave it at will) built a base -- in rural France, no less -- at some indistinct point in the past. Now they're going to come back and dust the cobwebs out of the ol' Terran Flying Saucer Fuelstop and Grill to watch Earth get blasted out of existence while... what? Munching on cheese and sipping Bordeaux? That about got it surrounded?

Riiiiighhht... Okay, chief; why don't you just come with us? We've got a nice room all padded up and ready for you. Free TV! You can watch the SyFy channel all day!

86-year-old Marie-Simone -- whose job it is to decorate the small village church with flowers -- just sighs and shrugs when she hears of the esoteric goings on.

"Apparently it all comes from the Internet."

Truer words have never been spoken, madame -- in French or any other language.



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