Phil 'er Up

In case there was any doubt in your mind that Dr. Phil is a bumbling idiot, this will cinch it for you:

"Dr. Phil" McGraw thinks Lynne Spears, mother to Britney Spears and her knocked-up younger sister, "Zoey 101" star Jamie Lynn Spears, is doing a fine job as a parent.

"We know the Spears family, particularly the parents," McGraw told People magazine. "An asset that Britney and Jamie Lynn both have is a great and dedicated mother."

Dedicated to what?

While McGraw admits that Lynne Spears "is troubled right now," he also says she loves her daughters and is "really looking for the positives in this..."

Positives, huh? Well, at the rate her two female spawn are pumping out the crotch-fruits, she'll be able to field a trailerpark basketball team in just a few more years. A baseball team isn't far beyond that. With a little dedication, they could probably field a football game. Both teams. Propagation doesn't seem to be an obstacle.

"I talked to Lynne...and she said they're turning to prayer, [and] asked that I pray for them.

"That's how they're going to get through it."

When you get through groveling on your knees, might I suggest you invest in chastity belts for the granddaughters. God doesn't seem to be on your side. I can only imagine you're wearing that cross for vampire-warding purposes...