Yellow Journalism

Here's another of those useless, speculative filler articles that newspapers seem to be obsessed with printing. It's supposed to be about "binge drinking" at colleges. Here's how the article defines "binge drinking":

According to a University of Minnesota student survey in February, 45 percent of students binge-drink. That means they had five or more drinks in one sitting within the previous two weeks.

By that standard, pretty much everyone I've ever known is a "binge drinker." Smell that rotten odor? That's the scent of neo-Prohibitionists.

And last month St. Cloud State University student Scot Radel, 21, disappeared after a night of bar-hopping not far from campus. He hasn't been found, but police say shoeprints similar to Radel's were found on the bank of the Mississippi River.

So because he's been bar-hopping and turned up missing, it's automatically a "binge drinking" incident? Where'd they lease that sad imitation of inductive logic?

Finally, we have this gem:

Young adults often have no idea, until they learn the hard way, how much is too much.

Oh, that's excellent, Watson. How long did it take you to figure that one out? It's called "The Way Life Works." As anyone who's made it past the age of 30 knows, trying to give behavioral and social advice to twenty-something children is merely casting pearls to swine. A great many life lessons must be learned the hard way, or they simply don't stick.

Do people sometimes die in the process of learning those lessons? Certainly. And that's called Darwinism. Far from a bad thing, it's the means by which the species improves itself over time.

After all, you don't have to be a chemistry major to know that consumption of 21 ounces of high-proof ethanol in one hour is very, very bad. Such a conclusion simply requires the exercise of a little common sense. If you completely lack that common sense, then Uncle Charles will inevitably tap you on the shoulder. It's just a matter of time.


(Hat-tip to Derek M.)