Feline Follies
So, a tiny little eight-pound kitty cat is "terrorizing" your family after it goes into the basement and sniffs some thinner or something.
Q: How big of a spineless, quiver-lipped wussy do you have to be before you call the police to come kill the cat for you?
A: About as big a wussy as this guy:
Oh, for the love of... It's a CAT! Just kill it. Even worse was this quote from the local vet:
You must be joking. A cat... blocking the door?
I fear for this country, if this is how the average American male reacts to such a situation. It's a cat. I'll say it again: IT'S A CAT. As in "house"-type. It's not a friggin' tiger. Just kill it, grab a beer, and sit down to watch the evening news.
About 15 years ago, one of my ex-wife's cats went nuts and bit me--right through the web of my left hand, in fact. Once. Shortly afterward, it was introduced to the living room wall at an approximate terminal velocity of 40 mph. Repeatedly. Until its neck was at a very odd angle indeed.
Reach down and grab a pair.
Q: How big of a spineless, quiver-lipped wussy do you have to be before you call the police to come kill the cat for you?
A: About as big a wussy as this guy:
The husband arrived home a short time later and managed to corner the cat in the living room until his wife and two children could sneak out the back door to safety.
So I stood there having a stare-off with this cat for 20 minutes until the officer arrived, he said, adding that both animal control and police were called to the scene.
Oh, for the love of... It's a CAT! Just kill it. Even worse was this quote from the local vet:
We have heard stories about people not being able to leave their homes because their cat was blocking the doorway. So some cats can be aggressive.
You must be joking. A cat... blocking the door?
I fear for this country, if this is how the average American male reacts to such a situation. It's a cat. I'll say it again: IT'S A CAT. As in "house"-type. It's not a friggin' tiger. Just kill it, grab a beer, and sit down to watch the evening news.
About 15 years ago, one of my ex-wife's cats went nuts and bit me--right through the web of my left hand, in fact. Once. Shortly afterward, it was introduced to the living room wall at an approximate terminal velocity of 40 mph. Repeatedly. Until its neck was at a very odd angle indeed.
Reach down and grab a pair.
posted by Jar(egg)head at 09:09
6 Comments:
Gee,
I wonder if it was a orange tabby with wearing boots and speaking with a spanish accent. GMAFB!!! Kick the damn thing and be done with it.
The day I can't kick a house cat's butt will probably mean I'm on my deathbed. Or dead already. Either way it's not something I would call the police on. If you don't want to kill it throw it in a pet carrier and take it to the vet. Crap. The idea that anyone would have to leave the house as if it was on fire because of a cat. I don't think I could make up somthing that silly.
Later,
N
If you don't want to kill it throw it in a pet carrier and take it to the vetI won't even give him that much. A crazed animal attacked and injured his child. If, as a father, your instant reaction to that situation is anything other than "kill stupid animal NOW!", followed immediately by an ex-cat sailing bodily out the window, then you're a piss-poor excuse for a parent.
If you an avid golf what a better time to practice your chip shots. Oh I'd say a 9 iron should do for a cat.
Golfer!
It does not take a great deal of justification to exterminate a house cat. House cats are rodents. Theoretically, its also a proven fact that second hand cat hair and its dander is more detrimental to guests in a cat owners house than to the owner. Further testing has proven that theoretically, long-term cat owners have lost a percentage of their lung capacity and therefore get less oxygen to their brain causing a certain degree of retardation, which also explains why they do not appear to be bothered by cat hair any longer. Cats being rodents and the impact of second hand cat hair were both factual theories proven by research done at ACLU (American Cat Liquidation University) (go ACLU basketball!, the Dobermen, they have a division 3 football team also but they have been dogs so far). This research was of course funded by the American Research Foundation through a grant from the Asian Association of Cat Lovers, their slogan is, "cat meat, the other dark meat". As to dealing with a crazed cat, you may not can sneak up on them with a club or wing tip shoe like you can a typical lazy, sleeping, smelly, good for nothing, dirty, worthless house cat, but any common household item that has some weight and is either blunt, pointy, or sharp seems to work just fine. I have always preferred blunt myself because I like the sound of the thud. Of course that's just a theory since I have never actually harmed anything but a rodent myself.
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