Not teh Pr0n!

Assume for a minute that porn is the Downfall of Western Civilization. I know, I know! It's a thought exercise; humor me. So assume you've somehow got that whackadoodle idea bouncing around inside your skull. What, exactly, would be the most effective manner of dealing with the problem? A support group? Perhaps a Constitutional amendment (because Prohibition worked so well and all)? Maybe evangelize from the street corner? No, none of those seem viable. Wait, I've got it! You should blow up Verizon stores!

An elderly man is accused of trying to bomb phone stores as part of his crusade to stop the spread of porn and other "immoral content," court documents show. John Douglas Allen, 75, was arrested on Tuesday in connection with the placement of explosive packages outside two phone stores in northern Michigan

"Um, John...? Why are you making pipe bombs in my kitchen, dear?"

"Porn!"

Allen also allegedly left threatening letters, placed inside a polka dot envelope and sealed in zip lock bags, at cell towers across the state, the affidavit said. The letters, which said they were from the "Coalition for Moral Telecommunication (CMT)," were addressed to AT&T, Verizon, and "all other carriers." In the letters, the CMT claimed to be "almost thirty strong" and vowed to "travel throughout this Country and begin distroying [sic] inner city tower communication" unless several demands were met.

Must be uncomfortable having that many people in your head. So what were his demands?

One demand was that all "telecommunication containing immoral content," including cursing and pornography, "must be stopped" within six months.

Cursing, you say? Oh HELL no!

The letters also demanded the payment of $5 million...

Yeah. That kinda blemishes this whole Moral Crusader thing you got going on, John. Off to the Looney Bin with you, sir!