They're all gonna DIE!!!!1

It's us, you see. We're killing all the animals. So say these Swiss-type people:

About 3,000 species of wildlife around the world have seen their numbers plummet far worse than previously thought, according to a new study by one of the world's biggest environmental groups. The study Tuesday from the Swiss-based WWF largely blamed human threats to nature for a 52 percent decline in wildlife populations between 1970 and 2010.

A quick reminder who we're dealing with here: these are the douchebags who sued in order to force the World Wrestling Federation to change their name, as these great lovers of wildlife are oh-so-compassionate and sophisticated and therefore did not want to have the same acronym as those brutish wrestling people. Too low-brow, you understand. Savin' da animules iz SRS BIDNIZ!

[The sue-happy hive of pompous douchebags] says improved methods of measuring populations of fish, birds, mammals, amphibians and reptiles explain the huge difference from the 28-percent decline between 1970 and 2008 that the group reported in 2012.

Oh? "Improved methods," is it? I see. Would those be the "methods" whereby you recognize you're not receiving enough donations and extorted taxpayer money to fund your fancy office building and buy a new yacht (purely for investigative purposes, natch), and so you finger-fuck the numbers in order to grab a headline, thus stirring up a little alarm amongst the none-too-bright greenie-weenies and animal rights activists? Yes, the Democrat Party are experts at that particular methodology. Y'all should do lunch.

"There is no room for complacency," said WWF International Director General Marco Lambertini, calling for a greater focus on sustainable solutions to the impact people are inflicting on nature, particularly through the release of greenhouse gases.

Oh, of course! It's global warming Climate Change! Not only does it cause volcanoes and make New Jersey look like... well, like New Jersey -- but it kills all the cute, fluffy, round-eyed animals too! BAD Climate Change! BAD!

Hey Mr Lambertini, oh International Director General of Hyperbolic Douchebaggery, lemme clue you in on a little secret, buddy: humans are part of nature. We are not "inflicting" anything "on nature"; we ARE nature. Now go away, lest we force you to watch as we deep-fry baby elephant steaks in non-recyclable oil.


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