Dog Shit

Postage due?

During the course of a week a team of twenty volunteers patrolled the town's streets on the lookout for dog owners who failed to scoop. They then approached the guilty owner and struck up a casual conversation to discover the name of the dog. "With the name of the dog and the breed it was possible to identify the owner from the registered pet database held in the town hall," explained a spokesman from the council. The volunteers then scooped up the excrement and packaged it in a box branded with town hall insignia and marked 'Lost Property' and delivered by courier to the pet owners home.

It would seem there is an entire generation of people who do not understand that dog shit is fertilizer. People will pay hundreds of dollars each spring to have mulch and manure hauled in and dumped on their gardens. But they'll pick up dog shit in their yard and throw it in a trash can. Wherein it travels to a landfill.

I have two dogs. You know what I do when I mow the yard? Step around the dog shit and chop it up with the mower. Because it's fertilizer. My lawn looks fabulous, by the way.

You know what I do if I find dog shit in my front yard (where my dogs don't go)? Step around the dog shit and chop it up with the mower. My lawn looks fabulous, by the way.

When I was a kid, if we were walking in the park and I stepped in dog shit, you know what my parents did? Call a lawyer and try to get an ordinance passed to make people pick up dog shit, maybe? NO. They told me: "Watch where you're walking. So you don't step in dog shit."

Now we've got people picking up dog shit and mailing it. People are stupid. And strange. But mostly just fucking stupid.