H.R. Huffnstuf

Is that gold paint around your mouth or...

About 1:45 a.m. Sunday, officers from the Charleston Police Department were patrolling a marshy area near U.S. Highway 17 and the Ashley River when they reported hearing loud sounds. The officers checked out a stand of trees, where they said they saw McGuirt clutching a 4-inch knife, spinning in circles and talking to himself. McGuirt dropped the knife when the police asked him to, and the officers handcuffed the disoriented man, their report stated. That’s when the police started smelling the spray-paint. They noticed the gold paint covering portions of McGuirt’s mouth, face, hands, clothes, arms and feet. The officers found three paint cans, each with a hole punched in the side, on the ground.

While the police ushered McGuirt from the woods, they said he talked about how he would spray paint on a rag, then cover his mouth with the cloth. But he wasn’t using the paint to get high, he argued; he was using it for “evidentiary value,” according to the report. “He stated that he sprays the gold paint and places the rag on his mouth,” the report stated. “When the devil worshippers come after him and try to orally sexually assault him, the paint gets on their genitals, and he can use that information to prosecute them.”

Paint huffing is Darwin's gift to us. It's the method of choice for genetic bottom-feeders seeking to remove themselves from the pool, and will rot their deficient little brains faster than crack. Ban it? Hell no; encourage it.