NASA Satellite Beam Obliterates Global Warming

They seem to have invented some kind of "empirical death ray".

How embarrassing for us knuckle-dragging, racist, gun-toting, global warming deniers! We thought that Obama's promise that "this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal" was just a bunch of hot air. Now he has finally proved that he is not just an empty suit reading from a teleprompter by taking direct action to solve a global problem. His efforts to refocus NASA policy are clearly responsible for this amazing new technological development!

This is clear proof that we were completely wrong about both anthropogenic global warming and Obama's administrative competence. This is truly a devastating blow to the radical conservative movement. I suppose that next we will find out that the "high unemployment rate" is really a quasi-voluntary early retirement program that is only possible because of the amazing efficiency of our newly stimulated economy...