We're All Gonna DIE!!! (Again)

Your eco-lefty, hand-wringing, overreaction du jour: The oceans are running out of fish. Of course you know who is at fault... EVIL HUMANS!

So I set about lining up my ruler against the La Boqueria fish, starting with the mackerel (should be 34cm), the plaice (39cm) and the redfish (45cm). All turn out to be mere babies. The mackerel is half the designated length. A glance around the stalls shows 10 or more species on the MCS's Avoid list, including hake, swordfish, monkfish, bluefin tuna and, of course, cod.

I don't spend much time doing this because the Catalan fishmongers don't like my ruler - or me. They don't want to talk about why they are selling tiny hake (one of Europe's most endangered species) and why not a single fish in the market has any 'sustainable' labelling.

One old lady asks me what I'm after. 'I want to know why the Spanish are eating so many undersized fish from populations that are running out,' I say. 'It's simple,' she says. 'We like fish and small fish taste better.'

Is anyone not aware that wild fish are in deep trouble?

I certainly wasn't aware of it, but there's a good reason for that: because it's not true. Keep antagonizing fishmongers' wives, you dimwitted hippie; eventually one of them will cold-cock your stupid ass with an appropriately sized mackerel.