"Lost"

The real dopes here are the SAR goombas.

A hiker was out past dark. Turns out he simply got his trails mixed up, and eventually found the right one and returned to his car. In the meantime, the volunteer "rescuers" went into full-blown Dudley Do-Right mode and tried repeatedly dialing his cell phone. When he didn't answer, they started up a group hyperventilation session and anxiously launched a giant rescue effort, complete with people walking in a line and wailing plaintively into the woods. The hiker, it turned out, ignored the calls because the number was listed as "unknown" -- usually a sure sign of spammers. He was hiking, busy finding his own way out of the woods, and didn't have time for any of that nonsense. So, what's the official line?

The subject stated they’d lost the trail around nightfall and spent the night searching for the trail, and once on the trail, bounced around onto different trails trying to locate the proper trailhead, finally reaching their car the next morning, approximately 24 hours after they’d started their hike, LCASR officials said in the release. “They had no idea that SAR was out looking for them.” The search and rescue team asked people not to judge the hiker’s decision to ignore the calls, adding that common sense in hindsight is not often obvious to someone alone, lost and panicking.

Panicking? Why you self-righteous little twats... He was hiking. He got lost, so he found a trail and started systematically eliminating branches until discovering the correct one that led back to his car. That's exactly what you're supposed to do! The only people "panicking" here were the so-called rescuers. Not everyone needs rescuing. Has it occured to you dripping cankers on the ass of the gene pool that if he'd wanted rescuing, he had a functioning cell phone and WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU. Hey, here's an idea: how about you SAR-dines get the caller ID on your outgoing calls working correctly. Perhaps he'd have answered it if it said "SEARCH AND RESCUE." Wouldn't that be a fucking right dandy idea, huh? Drooling fucking morons. Everywhere. They're like mosquitos: they breed out of control and never stop annoying the living fuck out of people with functioning brain cells.

It's an unfortunate pattern that the mental midgets least qualified to save anyone are always the first people who volunteer for the duty. I've never comprehended this bizarre need that people with inferiority complexes have to play the hero. I joined the Marine Corps because I wanted to kill people and get paid for it. Heroes are usually people who end up being killed by their own incompetence, and they often take down the people around them as well. If you see someone trying to be a hero, run away from them as fast as you can. Probably what the hiker did when saw all those idiots crawling through the woods with flashlights.