Fire with Fire

Cow-ardly:

A Kingennie farmer has blamed a Baptist Church fireworks display for killing one of his cows.

Hundreds of people attended Broughty Ferry Baptist Church’s fireworks party at Panmurefield on Saturday night.

However, David Reid, of Ethiebeaton Farm, said he believes the 20-minute display is responsible for the death of one of his cows. He found the animal dead on Sunday morning and believes it may have had a heart attack or killed itself in a panic-stricken charge into a fence.

Of course, we here at Apathy Curve know what really happened: this was nothing less than the exposure of a bovine agent before it could wreak its unholy devastation on the countryside. The fireworks obviously triggered its programming prematurely, thereby preventing it getting in amongst people and going berserk. Fortunately, it killed only itself.

I think the more important question here is why Farmer Dave is raising bovine agents on his quaint little farm. Of course he claims they're only dairy cows. Hmph. Like we've never heard that one before! I say he has ulterior moootives.


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