Scientifically DUUHHHRRR

You may remember that a couple weeks ago, we posted an article about some white coats who had successfully demonstrated quantum entanglement in the lab, and thereby laid the foundation for future quantum network awesomeness.

Well, the somewhat-less-than-bright bulbs over at Science Daily picked up on the story and immediately posted an article with this forehead smacking headline:

Can Future Actions Influence Past Events? Experiment Mimics Quantum Physics 'Spooky Action Into the Past'

Sigh.

Short answer: No. Long answer: You're a moron.

Here's what the scientist actually said:

"Within a naïve classical world view, quantum mechanics can even mimic an influence of future actions on past events," says Anton Zeilinger.

"MIMIC an influence..." That's the key there, dullard science-writer boy. It's not mimicing quantum physics. Quantum physics is mimicing the APPEARANCE of something. That's what Einstein meant when he referred to "spooky action at a distance." "Distance" is the important part of that statement.

Here, let's have a little example so the drooling scribblers at Science Daily might begin to comprehend, shall we?

Take two objects that are entangled at the quantum level; for the sake of simplicity, let's say Itty Bitty Spaceships from Alpha Centauri, full of Itty Bitty Alpha Centaurans. One ship departs Alpha Centauri for Sol system, (that's where you're reading this) at 0.10 c, a non-relativistic velocity.

The other Itty Bitty Ship heads for the Galactic Core. Since it will take so long, this ship is equipped with the Acme OMGWTFDrive, capable of a maximum speed of 0.99998675309 c -- which is extremely relativistic.

Unfortunately, the Alpha Centaurans purchased the navigation computers for their Itty Bitty Spaceships from a discount black market supplier of dubious reputation, (probably working for the Hutts). Consequently, the ship which arrives in Sol after a journey of approximately 450 Earthling Years slams into Jupiter and is utterly obliterated. Since the two vessels are entangled, the other ship experiences simultaneous obliteration, never having got even close to the galactic core.

So, the objective time at which this horrific tragedy occurred was +450 EY, yes? But remember that the Alphans in the other ship are traveling at near lightspeed. Subjectively, only a few days had passed. From their perspective, an event which will occur in the future has affected them (to put it mildly).

That's the "spooky action at a distance" to which Einstein was referring. It's also what he meant when he told Max Born that "God does not play dice." The problem is that many people (including most everybody who scribbles for Science Daily) can't get their heads around the idea of perception as a modifier rather than an absolute.

Another example of this is what I call "the water conceit." I've seen both secular and religious arguments to the effect that the Earth is in the absolutely perfect place in the Universe to support life is either: a) incredibly lucky odds (secular); or b) a miracle (Santa Claus). That's a causality error based upon a perception problem, and it's amazing to me that so many educated people can fall into such an obvious trap.

The reason the Earth is in that tiny band of perfect heat/light/water/gravity is not random chance or singing angels, it's because we evolved here. It's not the environment that's perfectly suited to us, but rather we who are perfectly suited to the environment.

Science is about observation and deduction. It does not allow for conceit and ego, and certainly not inductive logic. If you internalize an error into a belief, you will get incorrect results every time. And probably write stupid, misleading headlines.

The future cannot affect the past, but it can certainly be screwed up by intellectual laziness and a stubborn refusal to learn from mistakes.