Ban Biscuits!

Brits are getting stomped by their own cookies:

CUSTARD creams are Britain's most dangerous biscuits, it was revealed yesterday A study claimed an estimated 25million people in Britain had been injured by biscuits.

Hidden dangers included flying fragments and daredevil dunking in scalding tea. And custard creams were the worst offenders, posing the biggest risk to innocent dunkers.

Around 500 people a year need hospital treatment because of biscuit injuries.

Three per cent had poked themselves in the eye with a biscuit...

That's a pretty severe eating problem.

Then again, I've seen Marines who'd happily charge a machine gun nest cowering in fear of a well-thrown Oatmeal Cookie Bar, (compressed), 1 ea. -- colloquially known as a "sawdust bar." Which may be why it was removed from the meals in 1999. We just assumed it was included as the basis for an improvised weapon.

The old sawdust bar did have one redeeming quality, however: if you were in some Pacific Rim shithole of a country, (read: any of them), and found you'd become a little too "regular" from the combination of local swill and pogey bait, well... bon appetit!