Schlong Saw

Men in England seem to have a wee problem keeping their peckers away from sharp objects:

A carpenter called Stuart Keen cut off his own penis in the bath as he apparently tried to do DIY while drunk.

Mr Keen, 54, suffered horrific injuries as he used the saw to cut wood for a cabinet he was making in his home workshop.

Police and ambulance crews rushed to his home in Wantage, Oxfordshire and found Mr Keen and the severed penis in the bath.

Said his mother:

"This was an unfortunate accident but these things happen all the time to people in his profession."

Perhaps it's time for a career change.

A spokesman for the South Central Ambulance Service said paramedics had waited for police support because the patient was drunk and a sharp blade had been used.

Ban carpentry tools!

For some reason, the article writer felt a need to relate further penile separation incidents:

In December 2000, a 32-year-old man walked into a chip shop in Edinburgh carrying his penis, which he had just cut off.

In 1998, a 54-year-old cut off his penis with a kitchen knife at his home in the Scarborough area. He told police he had decided to take such drastic action because his penis was affected by a "very painful" medical condition.

That'd have to be a really painful medical condition before "sever the sausage with a Solingen" became an attractive option.

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(Hat-tip to Joe G.)