Out, Unclean Spirit!

I guess Max Von Sydow wasn't available:

A South Australian police officer has been charged with trying to perform an exorcism on a teenager at a church youth camp.

The 28-year-old off-duty senior constable and two other adults have been charged following a camp run by the Lutheran church in the Barossa Valley in April... It's alleged the three restrained the boy after he complained of stomach pains in an incident that allegedly went for about 12 hours.

The police officer has been charged with false imprisonment and aggravated assault, and suspended pending the outcome of the charges.

Idiots. Good thing it wasn't a real demon -- like an inflamed appendix.

And besides, a Lutheran performing an exorcism? I suppose it's not strictly verboten under the 95 Theses so long as they don't charge for the service, but aren't there classes one has to attend or something? Certifications? "Official Anti-Demonic Banishinator Level V" or some such? And what are you gonna do about holy water; strain some Aquafina through the New Testament?

I mean, if an amateur Protestant can do it, why not an atheist? Seeing as I'm not constrained by the Theses, however, we'll need to discuss my compensation before I chase the little bugger back to its imaginary happy place -- especially if it's gonna be just downright rude to me.