Smiley Face

Smile, you bastards!

More than 500 staff at Keihin Electric Express Railway are expected to be subjected to daily face scans by "smile police" bosses.

The "smile scan" software, developed by the Japanese company Omron, produces a sweeping analysis of a smile based on facial characteristics, from lip curves and eye movements to wrinkles.

After scanning a face, the device produces a rating between zero to 100 depending on the estimated value of the fulfilled potential of a person's biggest smile.

For those with a below-par grin, one of an array of smile-boosting messages will pop up on the computer screen ranging from "you still look too serious" to "lift up your mouth corners..."

To my co-workers: The day this is installed in the office, you'll want to call in sick.

To anyone within a ten mile radius of my office: Run.

To everyone else: Turn on the tube, grab some popcorn and watch the show. I think I can safely guarantee a record.