Feng Schmuck

I once watched one of these feng shui idiots on a television show. I recall only that I was overcome with a burning desire to pick up the nearest heavy object and pummel him until his mouth stopped making noises.

How irritating are they? Well, you tell me:

Feng shui practioners also designated "no fire zones" in the kitchens, to try to keep the five elements of metal, water, wood, fire and earth in balance throughout the amusement park.

We have a Western version of feng shui, you know. It's called "belligerent, stoned hippie in Ikea." But we don't pay them to decorate our houses; we call the police.