Crack Smokin'

You may or may not be aware that Apple and Samsung are in a legal tussle over various tablet- and smartphone-related patents. Many of them are just (if you'll pardon the pun) patently ridiculous, such as an argument over who "stole" the pinch-to-zoom idea from whom. It's classic Apple patent-trolling -- something at which they excel.

The judge in the case finally lost her cool when Apple tried to file for two dozen rebuttal witnesses in the last few hours of their closing arguments -- an obvious attempt to muddy the waters and generate legal havoc with the court. Her response:

"I am not going to be running around trying to get 75 pages of briefings for people who are not going to be testifying," U.S. District Judge Lucy Koh told Apple's lawyer Bill Lee.

"I mean come on. 75 pages! 75 pages! You want me to do an order on 75 pages, (and) unless you're smoking crack, you know these witnesses aren't going to be called when you have less than four hours," Koh said.

If I may be so bold, I'd like to correct Judge Koh: corporate lawyers don't smoke crack. They prefer their cocaine straight up the nose, thank you very much.