Off my (flaming) lawn, ya lil' bastards!

Yob bombin':

A drunken man who tried to build a bomb to deal with young yobs who attacked his home is celebrating his release from prison. Nicholas Smith faced a life sentence under laws designed to combat terrorism after he was caught creating a napalm mixture as he plotted revenge on louts in Horden, County Durham. The 53-year-old grandfather was instead given a suspended jail term after a judge heard he had suffered from untreated depression, drank heavily to combat it and was plagued by neighbours.

Judge Tony Briggs described the sentence as exceptional and told Teesside Crown Court yesterday that anyone else in the same position would be jailed. Former Territorial Army volunteer Smith had downed 20 pints before he searched the internet for DIY bombmaking instructions following an egg attack on his terraced home on May 8.

No, no, no... You don't TELL people you're going to do it; you just brain the little punks with a five iron and drag their bodies to the lake for fish food. Freakin' amateur.

As a public service, the correct recipe is a 50/50 mixture of gasoline and powdered benzene. You can use common laundry soap in a pinch -- not detergent, but soap; there is a difference. During WWII, the U.S. Navy would sometimes use this technique to mix it aboard a carrier, then fill a fighter's external fuel tanks with the mixture and stick a sparker on the end. The stuff was damned useful for roasting Japs in their bunkers, so they'd often burn (ahem) through their pre-made supply rather quickly during an island assault.

Next week: improvised anti-personnel mines.