Beer and the Art of Lawnmower Maintenance

Fight club:

A 43-year-old man said to have shot at his lawn mower while intoxicated, fought his adult son and pulled a shotgun on the son was arrested after being shocked three times with a Taser.

The son said Wach pointed the pistol "all over," but the son managed to get the .380 caliber handgun away. Wach left, and his son thought he was going home "to sleep it off." Instead, Wach returned with a 12 gauge shotgun. The son said Wach started to point the pump action shotgun at him, but he wrestled it away. They engaged in a physical altercation, and the son said they rolled out onto the porch. That's when a deputy arrived and saw them fighting.

Wach was on top of his son, and the deputy told him to stop fighting. Wach didn't, and the deputy shocked him with an X-26 Taser. Wach didn't follow additional instructions and was shocked twice more. The son wouldn't complete a written statement because he didn't want his dad to get in trouble. Wach said he didn't understand why he was being taken to the Martin County jail. He said he routinely shoots in the yard, saying "fighting is what redneck people do."

While I can't condone all that gunplay and internecine conflict, I can tell you that more than one piece of lawn maintenance equipment has met its demise by my hand. My nemesis is the two-cycle weed eater. After a few seasons, the thing will simply refuse to start, and I will attempt to repair it -- for exactly 83 seconds, after which point MONGO SMASH STUPID RED THING.

My long-suffering wife has resigned herself to this facet of my personality. She simply tells the neighbors that she doesn't know who that crazy man beating the driveway with a weed eater is, but please don't call the police as she doesn't want to fill out the paperwork.