News You Can Use

I'm sure everyone here in Apathyville will be glad to read this:

Heavy Drinkers Outlive Nondrinkers, Study Finds

[Even] after controlling for nearly all imaginable variables - socioeconomic status, level of physical activity, number of close friends, quality of social support and so on - the researchers (a six-member team led by psychologist Charles Holahan of the University of Texas at Austin) found that over a 20-year period, mortality rates were highest for those who had never been drinkers, second-highest for heavy drinkers and lowest for moderate drinkers.

Make mine a double, please.

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Hat-tip to Rusty C.