iDosing?

Can you hear me now?

I-dosing on "digital drugs" is becoming an alarming new trend amongst teens.

Web sites are luring kids with free downloads of "digital drugs," which are audio files designed to induce drug-like effects. The sites claim it is a safe and legal way to get high, but parents fear it could lead to illegal drug use.

Dunno about getting high from noise, but I can tell you how to aurally simulate a hangover: listen to some of Phillip Glass' atonal "experiments." Yeesh. Makes my teeth ache just thinking about it.

"I heard it was like some weird demons and stuff through an iPod and he was like freaking out," said Mustang High School student Meghan Edwards.

What? You mean all the years I've spent etching pentagrams in virgins' blood and chanting in ecclesiastical Latin in order to summon pit fiends and barbazu was a wasted effort? Now some snot-nosed punk can get one in his bloody iPod?! Oh, my Master is gonna be so pissed...

I demand summoner licensing! We can't have amateurs running around unleashing the forces of damnation at will, now can we?

The Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics said parental awareness is key to preventing future problems, since I-dosing could indicate a willingness to experiment with drugs.

Show 'em Reefer Madness. That always worked real well.

Incidentally, I wonder what you call it if someone overdoses on iDosing? "uDosing?" "eDosing?" "Pathetic-loser-with-no-life-dosing?"

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(P.S.- Even though neither the submitter nor myself could find "The Onion" stamped on this article, "i-dosing" is pretty obviously bullshit. The sad part is the fact that the so-called journalist who wrote about it evidently thinks the phenomenon is quite real. Tells you something about the quality of education at modern journalism colleges, doesn't it? Now put their political reporting into that framework...)

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Roach-clip to Jeff W.