Stir Crazy

Wanna be a martian?

What would you be prepared to do for money? For $6,500 (£4,500) a month, to be precise?

How about the following: locking yourself inside a small metal container for three months without any communication with the outside world, with electronic monitors attached to various parts of your body and with frozen baby food and cereal bars for breakfast, lunch and dinner? To add to the fun you'll have five companions who will do everything possible to stop you trying to escape before the three months are up.

Meanwhile, from a control room outside, a team of scientists will monitor your every move checking for any signs that you are starting to crack up.

And banish all hope of finding solace through alcohol or tobacco. Both are strictly forbidden.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna have to take a pass on that one. I have to grit my teeth to get through ten hours a day of enforced proximity to idiot co-workers without pulling a Manson.

Now if it were just me, myself and I... Those are all lovely people. But five jakelegs I don't even know? That's a spicy recipe for a killing spree. After a couple weeks of mind-numbingly close association, I'd probably be inventing creative ways to kill all five of them with a spoon before anybody could get the doors open.

Guess that makes me an astro-NOT.