Do the Hokey Pokey (or not...)

Bad music:

In December, the song sparked an uproar in Scotland when fans of the Glasgow Rangers soccer team were accused of planning to sing it to insult rival Glasgow Celtic, a club with Catholic roots. A Catholic Church spokesman warned that The Hokey Cokey had centuries-old origins as a Protestant song meant to mock the words and actions of Catholic clergy presiding over the Latin mass.

"This song does have quite disturbing origins. Although apparently innocuous, it was devised as an attack on and a parody of the Catholic mass," Peter Kearney, a spokesman for Scottish Catholic Cardinal Keith O'Brien, said at the time.

He added that soccer authorities should monitor the situation to assess "if there are moves to restore its more malevolent meaning."

I'd like to say something that makes Mr. Kearney sound retarded, but I'm afraid he beat me to the punch.

And it gets weirder...

[The] son of the famed Irish songwriter Jimmy Kennedy - the man credited with penning the lyrics to one of the world's most familiar melodies - has weighed in to the furor by revealing what he calls the true inspiration for his father's hit: a traditional Canadian folk tune sung by miners in the early 20th century as a drug anthem celebrating the therapeutic powers of cocaine.

The song is known in Britain as The Hokey Cokey, and was originally published by Kennedy during the Second World War as The Cokey Cokey before various U.S. recordings of The Hokey Pokey gave the song and its accompanying movements global popularity.

No more Hokey Pokey for little Johnny. Zero tolerance, you know. Good thing it wasn't intended to insult Muslims, else little Johnny'd be doing fifty Allah Ackbars, apologizing profusely to everyone with a towel on their head, and writing "I crave normalized relations with the Muslim world" one hundred times on the blackboard.

Er, sorry; I meant whiteboard. No... that'll never fly. Um... how about "non-discriminatory non-permanent writing surface of a mixed origin with strength in its diversity of colors."

Hey! I'm getting better at that. Maybe I should run for President.