Purloined Pastry
Robbery:
Oh, sure; that's the official story. But if Mr. Masters had stolen, say... a pack of diet pills? Pshaw! It'd have been a slap on the wrist and back under the bridge in an afternoon.
Now he's got the Pastry Patrol on his ass. Doughnut theft is serious bidniz, buddy! He'd better hope that wasn't a jelly doughnut, or he might "fall down the stairs" a few times on the way to see the judge.
A US man is facing up to 30 years in jail - for stealing a single doughnut.
Scott Masters, 41, is accused of slipping the doughnut inside his sweatshirt, then pushing away a female store worker who tried to stop him fleeing the store in Farmington, Minnesota.
It carries a potential prison term of five to 15 years but as Mr Masters already has a criminal record, prosecutors are entitled to double his sentence.
"It's not the doughnut," Police Chief Rick Baker said. "It's the assault."
Oh, sure; that's the official story. But if Mr. Masters had stolen, say... a pack of diet pills? Pshaw! It'd have been a slap on the wrist and back under the bridge in an afternoon.
Now he's got the Pastry Patrol on his ass. Doughnut theft is serious bidniz, buddy! He'd better hope that wasn't a jelly doughnut, or he might "fall down the stairs" a few times on the way to see the judge.
posted by Jar(egg)head at 12:00
1 Comments:
Being a former police officer (I liked being paid to hit people with sticks and shoot them with pepper spray, plus there was nothing better than telling someone they were stupid and they saying "yes sir, I know"), I take offense at all of your doughnut jokes. Everyone knows that glaze really stains midnight blue polyester and cops eat bagels now.
Post a Comment
<< Home