Brooklyn Coons

Yeah, I know what you were thinking when you read the headline, but this is actually the completion of today's animal trifecta. Apparently, Brooklyn has been invaded by rabid raccoons. Some of the human residents, however, don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation:

Leslie saw the raccoon for the first time last week, when the raccoon crawled over a fence and down a pipe into his backyard, and then ran away in fright.

Leslie said the raccoon looked "happy and healthy," and he should know, having grown up down south...

"They’re essentially oversized cats," he said.

What part of the south did that idiot grow up in? New Jersey? 'Coons are a lot of things, but "oversized cats" is about as inaccurate a description as I can imagine. Perhaps "undersized grizzly bear" or "masked wolverine."

To quote Jerry Clower, "you might think it ain't fair to use twelve dogs for huntin' one lil' ol' 'coon, but let me tell you somethin': that coon can climb down outta that tree, whup all twelve of them dogs, and walk slowly away with his tail in the air."

Perhaps the residents of Brooklyn need themselves a 'coon monkey. Click here to listen to Jerry describe how a 'coon monkey works.