Rough Bondage
So what do you think the new Bond car is? An Aston-Martin DB11? Perhaps a Jag F-type? Or maybe he'll go continental and roll out in a Mercedes-AMG S65? No, wrong and nope. It's a SUV.
That's right. A fucking SUV.
SUVs are for soccer moms to haul their snotling crotchfruits back and forth, not for chasing down villains bent on world domination. You cannot keep your superspy credentials while driving a station wagon. And that's exactly what SUVs are: station wagons with lifted roof lines.
We just got one for my wife. Oh, it's nice enough; a fully-loaded Caddy XT6 with all the bling and jew-jaws. The interior fit-and-finish is astounding, superior even to Mercedes in my opinion. It's a very nice car, (as it bloody well ought to be for what we paid), but it is in the final analysis just a station wagon. When I was a kid in the 70s, there was no vehicle less cool than a station wagon. Even being seen in one was embarrassing; driving one was downright shameful. You'd get laughed out of the cool kids club faster than a Ford Pinto falling off a cliff, (which was one of the few ways to get a Pinto up to freeway speeds). Things change. I get it. But you'll never, ever convince me that SUVs née station wagons are cool cars. Ever.
That's right. A fucking SUV.
SUVs are for soccer moms to haul their snotling crotchfruits back and forth, not for chasing down villains bent on world domination. You cannot keep your superspy credentials while driving a station wagon. And that's exactly what SUVs are: station wagons with lifted roof lines.
We just got one for my wife. Oh, it's nice enough; a fully-loaded Caddy XT6 with all the bling and jew-jaws. The interior fit-and-finish is astounding, superior even to Mercedes in my opinion. It's a very nice car, (as it bloody well ought to be for what we paid), but it is in the final analysis just a station wagon. When I was a kid in the 70s, there was no vehicle less cool than a station wagon. Even being seen in one was embarrassing; driving one was downright shameful. You'd get laughed out of the cool kids club faster than a Ford Pinto falling off a cliff, (which was one of the few ways to get a Pinto up to freeway speeds). Things change. I get it. But you'll never, ever convince me that SUVs née station wagons are cool cars. Ever.
posted by Jar(egg)head at 11:55
2 Comments:
Once you get past the Tahoe, Bronco, and probably the Range Rover, all SUVs are lifted station wagons. Funny little side note, on the state crash report here in the NC, you have to designate the type of car involved. There is only Station wagon/car, and station wagon/truck, no SUV designation. So even they get it.
"There is only Station wagon/car, and station wagon/truck, no SUV designation. So even they get it."
Proof! *preens*
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