Net Neutering, Pt.2

The technocrats at the FCC are already flexing their stolen muscles:

The Federal Communications Commission released more than 300 pages of Internet regulations Thursday, which critics say will increase the cost of Internet and slow improvements. The regulations, which include “net neutrality” rules, were called for by President Obama and approved by a 3-to-2 vote of FCC commissioners.

Three hundred pages already? Hrm, one might almost suspect they had this planned out all along, mightn't one?

The new regulations pave the way for new taxes, because they define Internet service providers as “public utilities” – which could subject them to the many taxes levied on phone service companies.

Hey, hippies: You got what you thought you wanted, and now the new taxes will begin increasing internet service prices exponentially. What, you thought you were going to get it for free once the gummint took over? Sorry sweethearts, it don't work that way. Doesn't bother me, of course; I've got plenty of money to pay an extortionate tax premium for high speed services. You, though... well it may be a problem for you. Guess you should have learned a more profitable skill than Deputy Assistant Barista, huh?

The FCC declares that it has the power to kill Internet plans that don’t offer unlimited service (such as a cell phone plan that limits Internet use to a certain amount.)

“These plans have enabled millions of low income households to have mobile service,” dissenting Commissioner Pai wrote. “[But] if a company doesn’t want to offer an expensive, unlimited data plan, it could find itself in the FCC’s cross hairs.”

The FCC did not declare the practice illegal, but said regulators would rule on a “case-by-case” basis going forward.

Translation: they're going to tax people paying for the services so the ghetto dwelling welfare slugs can get free unlimited internet, just as they currently do with cell phones. You baristas have jobs, so tough luck there. You won't be able to afford the extortionate taxes levied against top-tier services from your tips as Tertiary Coffee Monkey, of course. I'm afraid you'll have to settle for that "mid-range" package. Say, I think I have a 9600 baud modem in the back of my closet somewhere. You want?

Still excited for Net Neutrality? We ain't done yet, precious...

“If one Internet service provider wants to follow in the footsteps of Google Fiber and enter the market incrementally, the FCC may say no. If another wants to upgrade the bandwidth of its routers at the cost of some latency, the FCC may block it.”

That means the federal bureaucrats will decide when and if a company gets more bandwidth or can expand their infrastructure. This constitutes an unwarranted risk to profitability. If the bureaucrats wake up on the wrong side of the bed the day their case is presented, they stand to lose millions of dollars in R&D and other front-end overhead costs. That means they'll be far less likely to take any such risks as the profit margin crystal ball becomes increasingly clouded by the mists of bureaucracy. Better to just limp along with what they have at a guaranteed (though small) margin than risk money on something the government may end up disallowing or taxing into impracticality.

Translation: in five years, your internet connection will almost certainly be slower rather than faster.

STILL excited for Net Neutrality? Then you're a fucking moron.

All is not lost, however, as there exists an excellent chance the courts will strike it down. I almost wish they wouldn't, since I do so enjoy watching leftoid dipshits run around with egg on their pasty-white little faces. Problem is, they never acknowledge that they're throwing the eggs at each other. Kinda takes a little of the fun out of it, you know?