Two by Four

Life imitates The Onion:

North Carolina-based Lowe's Home Centers has been ordered to pay $1.6 million to settle a lawsuit by prosecutors from Marin and four other counties alleging inaccurate and misleading advertising, the district attorney's office announced Wednesday.

"Historically, Lowe's provided information about product dimensions received from vendors. Moving forward, customers will now be able to locate product by actual and common dimensions as provided by vendors for certain building products. For example, for a piece of lumber commonly known as a 2X4, customers will see both the common name (2x4) and the actual product dimensions (1.5 x 3.5 inches).

"Both Lowe's and the California DAs agreed that a settlement is in the best interest of all parties. It allows us to continue moving forward with our program to provide both actual and common product dimensions and meet our shared goals."

I know, I know... You're wondering why this idiocy wasn't thrown out of court. Answer: California.

On the upside, they won't have to worry about it much longer, as nobody's interested in building anything in California nowadays. In fact, it's pretty much a race to the border for any business that wishes to remain profitable. Maybe the Mexicans who are left in possession of California can use those one-and-half by three-and-half sticks as fuel for their wood-burning stoves after the power grid goes offline -- permanently.


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Hat-tip to Jeff W.