Holy Excrement!

Itza meeer-akle!

As the mid-day sun beat down, a group of parishioners huddled under a tree looking for shade, but seeking a miracle. Rosemarie Navarro, a parishioner at a Fresno, California Catholic Church says, "I said my prayer and asked the Lord to give me a miracle cause I'm really, really sick." Navarro counts herself among the believers, a small but growing group that thinks the liquid dripping from this Crape Myrtle tree is the tears of God.

Yeah. Uh, can we get somebody with a functional brain over here, please...

On close inspection, arborist Jon Reelhorn agrees, something is falling from the tree in front of St. Johns Cathedral. But it isn't water. "The aphides will suck the sap, the sap goes through the aphid and then it is a honey dew excrement from the aphid and it gets so heavy in the summertime that it will drip down," Reelhorn says.

That's right, it's aphid shit. Which isn't far from the Tears of God, really. Sorta. Okay, NOT.

Maria Ybarra was the first one to feel the drops this Wednesday and whether they are aphid waste or water, she believes they're divine. "I can tell you looking at it from a scientific standpoint and a spiritual standpoint it is the work of God manifesting here on earth," Ybarra said.

No, you ignorant cow; it's aphid shit.