Circle of Stupidity

You've probably seen this photo floating around in email the last few weeks, accompanied by the typical bullshit hoax sob story about a utility worker finding this thing lodged in the wheel well of his truck:



Well, our corporate drones finally received the hoax late last week and immediately flew into action, hands a-flapping. Yesterday we received a corporate memorandum with instructions for all personnel who drive company vehicles. Our drivers will now carry four traffic cones in their truck. Upon parking, they will place a cone in front of each wheel. Before starting the vehicle to depart, they will pick up each cone, inspecting the wheel well for stray children as they do so.

Seriously. I can't make up shit like this.

This morning, I fired off the following email to our corporate safety manager -- via a double blind anonymous account, of course, as I'm not ready to quit this circus just yet.

Dear XXX,

I want to personally thank you for your recent enactment of our "Circle of Safety" vehicle inspection policy. While I do not drive a company vehicle, I decided that it would best if I set a good example. Accordingly, when I departed the office last night, I conducted a safety walk around my vehicle -- and I discovered a small child lodged in the right rear wheel well! I was shocked, as the chances of such a thing occurring are obviously very remote, but our office is directly across the street from a city park, so it's perhaps not as uncommon as we might wish.

In any event, I immediately fetched a traffic cone and commenced to beating on the impediment. There was a little blood and a lot of screaming, but it eventually broke loose and dropped to the ground. I pulled it aside and was about to get in and drive away, but I had a crisis of conscience at the last moment. I went back and put the traffic cone on top of the obstruction so that some other poor motorist didn't get it stuck in their wheel well. (Imagine what would happen if such a thing got wrapped around your axle? That could very dangerous, especially at highway speeds).

In any event, I thank you for your forward-looking and quickly-enacted policy decision, as I might very well not be here to write this note had you not instituted the Circle of Safety walk-around of vehicles. I shall remain vigilant and ensure that all employees follow this policy to the letter.

Sincerely,

XXXX

I eagerly await his reply.