Stop warting me!
Self-medicating can be tricky:
Well, you can't accuse him of being a "glass half-empty" sort of guy. He's an idiot, but he's not a pessimist.
I once had a wart on my forehead, (yeah, it was gross; thanks for asking). I also decided to take matters into my own hands, but unlike Mr Murphy, I made the more sensible choice of using an Xacto knife. I implemented my solution at 0100 in the morning in a barracks head on the sweltering tropical hell known as Okinawa. The location was fortuitous, as it allowed me to properly anesthetize myself beforehand. I accomplished this by getting outside roughly three pitchers of Kinville mojo while carousing with the local working girls.
For the first half-hour post-op, I thought I might bleed to death. Obviously I did not -- much to the relief of our baffled and rather annoyed platoon Corpsman, who had the misfortune of being awakened at 0130 to the visage of Yours Truly with his face covered in blood and reeking of booze and... other things. Actually, I think he was just peeved that I didn't let him do the knife-work; Navy Corpsmen are some seriously warped individuals -- which is probably why I get along with them so well.
Anyway, my solution had the singular advantage of leaving intact all of the parts with which I started on this Earth, with only a small scar to show for the experience. The adventure also served as confirmation for a few fellow jarheads that I was a certifiable nutcase, even by Marine Corps standards. Having people think you're crazy can be a real advantage in life, by the way.
The moral here, Mr Murphy, is that you must select the proper tool for the job. You don't eat with a broadsword and a pitchfork, do you?
__
Hat-tip to Jeff W.
A security guard came up with a bizarre remedy to remove a wart - he shot off his finger with a shotgun.
Sean Murphy, 38, from Doncaster, had seen his GP repeatedly about the problem and also tried a variety of traditional ointments and creams. But when the persistent wart refused to disappear, he opted for the firepower of a 12-bore Beretta he claimed he had found under a hedge a few months earlier. His technique successfully removed the wart - along with most of the middle finger of his left hand.
And the solution also landed Murphy in court this week for illegal possession of a firearm.
After leaving Doncaster Magistrates' Court with a suspended 16-week prison sentence, Murphy said: 'I'm happy with that. I know I could have gone to jail for up to 15 years for a firearms offence. My solicitor did a very good job. The best thing is that the wart has gone....'
Well, you can't accuse him of being a "glass half-empty" sort of guy. He's an idiot, but he's not a pessimist.
I once had a wart on my forehead, (yeah, it was gross; thanks for asking). I also decided to take matters into my own hands, but unlike Mr Murphy, I made the more sensible choice of using an Xacto knife. I implemented my solution at 0100 in the morning in a barracks head on the sweltering tropical hell known as Okinawa. The location was fortuitous, as it allowed me to properly anesthetize myself beforehand. I accomplished this by getting outside roughly three pitchers of Kinville mojo while carousing with the local working girls.
For the first half-hour post-op, I thought I might bleed to death. Obviously I did not -- much to the relief of our baffled and rather annoyed platoon Corpsman, who had the misfortune of being awakened at 0130 to the visage of Yours Truly with his face covered in blood and reeking of booze and... other things. Actually, I think he was just peeved that I didn't let him do the knife-work; Navy Corpsmen are some seriously warped individuals -- which is probably why I get along with them so well.
Anyway, my solution had the singular advantage of leaving intact all of the parts with which I started on this Earth, with only a small scar to show for the experience. The adventure also served as confirmation for a few fellow jarheads that I was a certifiable nutcase, even by Marine Corps standards. Having people think you're crazy can be a real advantage in life, by the way.
The moral here, Mr Murphy, is that you must select the proper tool for the job. You don't eat with a broadsword and a pitchfork, do you?
__
Hat-tip to Jeff W.
posted by Jar(egg)head at 16:08
1 Comments:
He might but that would just be for comic relief.
I never thought you were crazy but then another crazy person probably wouldn't be able to tell. I'm just surprised you didn't send picture of blood covered face for Halloween. I could have put it on the outside of my door with a sign that said "I hang out with people like this." heh
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