Retard(ation) Day

Reading this made me want to punch a hippie in the mouth:

PARK(ing) Day is an annual, worldwide event that inspires city dwellers everywhere to transform metered parking spots into temporary parks for the public good.

PARK(ing) Day is an annual, worldwide event where artists, activists, and citizens independently (but simultaneously) turn metered parking spots into “PARK(ing)” spaces: temporary public parks and other spaces for people to enjoy. PARK(ing) Day is a non-commercial project, intended to promote creativity, civic engagement, critical thinking, unscripted social interactions, generosity and play.

Except for cities where organizers seek permits from local officials, PARK(ing) Day is essentially an unsanctioned guerilla art action.

It is unclear to me exactly how taking up valuable parking spaces in a crowded city -- and thereby unnecessarily increasing the already high stress levels of the residents who are actually trying to be productive -- is supposed to be "for the public good."

Since this is obviously (and incredibly) stupid, I hereby formally rechristen September 17th as "Punch(ing) a Dirty Hippie in the Mouth Day."

Enjoy! But don't get carried away; their teeth can cause lacerations to your knuckles, and as they are Dirty Hippies, they may be carriers of blood-transmitted diseases. Wearing a pair of high quality sparring gloves may extend your enjoyment of the day to several dozen satisfying impacts, while simultaneously protecting you from harm. We wouldn't want anyone to get hurt (except the hippies, of course) while performing this service for the public good.