Monkeyshines

Jennifer Viegas, one of the journo-drones over at Discovery.com, actually believes that a monkey is writing, directing and producing movies:

Capucine, a hot new filmmaker, spends her days on sets adjusting equipment, editing clips, communicating orders and enjoying long lunches. Her hard work has paid off, since she's had at least one film, Oedipe, accepted by the Clermont-Ferrand film festival in France.

Capucine would appear to be like any budding young filmmaker, except for the fact that she's a capuchin monkey. Her works are being touted as the first ever to be filmed and directed by a non-human animal.

You can see Capucine barking orders through her megaphone at the website for the Research Center on Animal Language in Japan.

Capucine is said to enjoy King Kong and ET. She plays Donkey Kong in her spare time.

Let me tell you a little story, Jenny.

When I was nine years old, I returned home from school one day, all a-flutter to tell my parents something. Star Wars had just been released, and naturally it was all the elementary school set was talking about at the time. One of my acquaintances had told me during gym glass that he "had it on the best authority" that Han Solo's sidekick Chewbacca wasn't even an actor. He was actually a two-hundred year old dog! How awesome is that, huh?

I ran home as soon as school let out, (I mean I literally ran home; Mommy didn't pick us up in a house-sized SUV in the 70s). I couldn't wait to relate this new-found piece of movie knowledge to my parents. When I told them about Chewbacca and breathlessly waited for a reaction, my father (a very kind man, though quite stern), cocked his head to one side, furrowed his brow, and asked me a question. I'd like to ask you that same question, Jenny: Are you really that stupid?

Monkeys don't direct movies, dear. That's because they're monkeys, not people. Perhaps you should return to elementary school until you can tell the difference.