Devil in a Funny Hat

Il discorso matto:

Father Gabriele Amorth said people who are possessed by Satan vomit shards of glass and pieces of iron.

He added that the assault on Pope Benedict XVI on Christmas Eve by a mentally unstable woman and the sex abuse scandals which have engulfed the Church in the US, Ireland, Germany and other countries, were proof that the Anti-Christ was waging a war against the Holy See.

"The Devil resides in the Vatican and you can see the consequences," said Father Amorth, 85, who has been the Holy See's chief exorcist for 25 years.

Yeah, he's quite serious, the old looney. And he thinks Linda Blair did a bang-up job in the flick:

In a rare insight into the world of exorcism, the Italian priest told La Repubblica newspaper that the 1973 film The Exorcist gave a "substantially exact" impression of what it was like to be possessed by the Devil.

"From their mouths, anything can come out – pieces of iron as long as a finger, but also rose petals," said Father Amorth, who claims to have performed 70,000 exorcisms.

Go ahead. You know you want to... Hell, I'll do it for you: at the rate of one per day, it comes to 191 years, 9 months and bit. Without weekends, holidays or vacations. Well, he could take one day off every four years -- which you really need when you're over 200 years old. Or maybe he does mass exorcisms? A room full of Linda Blairs; that might be interesting. Do you think he offers group discount rates?

In any event, that's a big wheelbarrow-full of possessions. Ol' Scratch must be working 'em to the bone. The little imps should unionize: cooler working conditions, higher soul limits, maybe a nice vacation to one of the Upper Circles every few centuries.