Pro Player Pimps

Behind the curtain of sports celebrity sleaze.

The biggest misconception about the Tiger cheating scandal is that Rachel Uchitel and Kalika Moquin, two of the first three women named by the tabloids, were his full-time lovers.

They may have been at some point (especially Rachel, some say on numerous occasions) but that was not their primary function. No, Uchitel's main job was to provide women for Tiger during his globetrotting excursions to various tournaments, charity functions and fuck-and-run private-jet weekends with his Fortune 500 party pals that he seemed to enjoy so much. Kalika Moquin? Many Las Vegas insiders doubt that she ever slept with Tiger. But she did set him up with some sweet VIP service at The Bank or at Bare like any good hostess would: a roomful of available girls with a certain look that Tiger wanted, flown in just for the occasion. This is the world of high-end nightclub VIP treatment, where velvet ropes guard comfy, cloistered areas with leathery couches and bottles of Grey Goose, everything catered to the wishes of the much sought-after professional athlete clientele. And, yes, sports fans, that means loading their velvet-roped stable with fake-boobied ponies to fuck.

"The fact that people don't understand that these affairs are well-orchestrated is pretty naive," says one VIP concierge who has worked with Uchitel (we'll call him "Serge" for the sake of not always having to say "VIP Concierge Number 1" when using his quotes). "Rachel Uchitel works for Tiger the minute he gets off the plane wherever he is: from dinner, to photos, to nightclubs, to drugs, to girls — whatever he wants."

Tiger's probably not concerned with whatever she has to say about their true-or-false copulation activities — he's more concerned that she knows how Tiger's been feeding off a menu of 20-and-30-something bubbleheads for years provided to him by Uchitel via her concierge service. No, it's not exactly prostitution — but these girls are flown in from LA to Vegas for a weekend of all-expenses and free drinks and admission into this world of über-rich sleaziness. If a famous athlete takes an interest, they certainly have the option to do whatever it is they want (no pressure!). So Rachel? She basically got caught in Melbourne on one of her many girl-corralling expeditions for one of her most important clients, which is a crucial part of her job.

You know who else lives this sort of "lifestyle"? Media celebrities. Career politicians. Butterfly CEOs. Not all of them, to be sure. But more than a few. Welcome to Rome 2000AD.