It's a bo'i!

Front page news in Trenton:

Two teen lovebirds described yesterday as their happiest New Year yet as they jumped into parenthood with the birth of Nah’sir Rayzohn Moore — Trenton’s first born baby of 2009.

"It’s the best feeling ever," 15-year-old Essence Underwood of Hamilton said 12 hours after giving birth to her first child. "I never thought I’d have a baby at age 15."

"I’m happy, it doesn’t matter when he was born," said Essence’s boyfriend of exactly two years and Nah’sir’s father, Glenn Ray Moore III, 16, of Burlington City.

"We have no choice but to be ready," Essence said, adding that the pregnancy was unplanned but welcomed. "I can take care of him and show him things in life. Hopefully he can be a better person than me..."

Setting low goals is one way to "succeed," I suppose.

"I looked on the Internet for his (first) name," Essence said. "We chose from many different types of names, and we finally chose Nah’sir. I thought it would be interesting to put the apostrophe in the middle."

Oh, yeah... that's fascinating, Essence. Perhaps for your next trick you can entrance everyone by conjugating a verb. How about "axe" -- er, sorry -- I meant "ask."

The middle name "Rayzohn" is a combination Glenn’s middle name and the first name of his late grandpa John. Glenn said it was his mom’s idea to "get creative" by replacing the "J" with a "Z".

Well, I suppose that's better than Fe'male. That's pronounced feh-maul-ee, by the way; my better half related that one from work. Or an even better one, (also from the wife; can you guess what she does for a living?): Le-a. That one's pronounced la-dash-ah. Seriously. I couldn't possibly make this shit up; I leave that to people whose sole talents involve having babies when they're fifteen and jobless.

Speaking of which, you've wasted enough time reading this, you slacking bastards. There's one more mouth to feed now, and you're not making any taxable money by just sitting there. Back to work! Nah'sir needs a new flat screen.