Kebabs in Paradise

The Food Cops in Britain have made an earth-shaking discovery:

Doner kebabs, standard takeaway fare for thousands following a night out, contain "shocking" amounts of salt and fat, and many include meat that is not listed as an ingredient.

A survey by food standards officers found the average kebab contained 98 percent of a person's daily recommended salt intake, nearly 1,000 calories, equivalent to half a woman's daily food intake, and almost 150 percent of the daily amount of saturated fat.

So... you've discovered that post-drunk cheeseburgers are loaded with grease. Welcome to reality. See that blue stuff up there? Yeah, that's the sky...

Tests found that 35 percent of labels listed meat that was different from that actually found in the kebab. Six tested positive for pork when it had not been declared as an ingredient including two marked as halal, or acceptable for Muslims.

"It is totally unacceptable that people with certain faiths are unknowingly eating meats that are against their beliefs..."

Oh no! A backwards, centuries-outdated religious practice meant to prevent contraction of trichinosis is in danger. The Giant Man Who Lives in the Sky is gonna come down and lay some smiting uponst them if they so much as sniff at a hot-link.

::sigh::

Pay close attention, muzzies. The message doesn't seem to be achieving penetration, so we're gonna try a more direct approach:

I don't think dogs are unclean, I absolutely adore pork chops, and the fact that there are Jews in Israel doesn't bother me at all.

The Koran is not a guide to life, it's a work of twisted fantasy written by a guy with some serious untreated Freudian issues. Mohammad and his family of greedy, jealous merchants have all been dead for a very, very long time, and the rest of us don't give a flying figleaf what he had to say. So stop trying to force me and everyone else on the planet into the mold of your ridiculous medieval cult, because we're really just not interested.

Here, have a BLT and a beer; it'll improve your attitude dramatically. And for the love of money, would you take that ridiculous rag off your head? This is the civilized world, not the freakin' desert. Also, stop beating your wife, you moronic barbarian. She and your daughters are people, not draft animals.

No, I don't need a camel... and neither do you...