Monkey Morte

Every which way but alive:

A chimpanzee that had escaped from a Bastrop research center in March snatched a tranquilizer gun from an animal attendant, leapt from a truck bed and threatened a police officer by flailing its arms before being shot several times...

Hey, it armed itself.

The chimpanzee started flailing its arms. The officer shouted at least twice that he was going to shoot...

I'm sure that helped a lot. 'Bout as useful as trying to explain the electoral process to a Democrat.

(Yes, I'm aware that chimpanzees aren't monkeys; it made the headline work. Put your condescension back in your pocket.)