Kvetching Vegans

Complain, complain, complain:

A playwright has been told to warn audiences his show features a roast chicken - to avoid offending vegetarians.

Event organiser Sandra McDonagh said: "We don't want to cause offence. There will always be one person who is sensitive enough to complain.

"I have come across staunch vegans who will kick off about most things. It's always better to cover yourself."

There is a simple solution for people who whine and complain to get attention: give them the kind of attention they don't want. If enough severe beatings are applied, even annoying pseudo-hippies can eventually learn to live in quiet harmony with the rest of society.