Curses! Foiled Again!

The social engineers have been working hard -- mostly behind the scenes -- to save you from the Next Big Menace: incandescent light bulbs. Seems the venerable old darkness-chaser which helped to create the wealthiest, safest period in human history is actually a wasteful bogeyman. Incandescent bulbs are also a great deal cheaper than their would-be fluorescent assassins -- which makes banning them attractive to tax-happy politicians, as well. More cost equals more taxes.

Much to their chagrin, however, the enviro/politico cabal has run into a head-scratching snag in their latest erstwhile plan to Save the Planet™: it seems fluorescent bulbs contain trace amounts of mercury. If you've been paying attention, of course, you'll have noticed that mercury has been progressively demonized over the past decade, second only to cyanide-laced, explosive lead paint bombs in its ability to create horrible mutations of the human form -- such as GOP voters.

Alas, the life of the doom-speaking crusader is fraught with difficulty. Logic confronts and confounds them at every turn and, like Frankenstein's monster, their own creations frequently turn on them, eager to devour their brains. How disappointing it must be for the monsters when they find the brain buffet devoid of nourishment.