Up In Smoke

Darwin loves fire:

A hospital patient being treated with a flammable gel for a skin condition has died after being engulfed in flames as he lit a cigarette.

It is believed the 60-year-old was smoking on a fire escape at Doncaster Royal Infirmary on Monday.

Margaret Eastwood, who was there with her husband Colin, said she was horrified.

"He should never have been allowed to have a cigarette. Hospitals are meant to be no smoking but why was he allowed to have a cigarette? I hope there is a thorough investigation. It sounds horrendous."

Were you born that goddamned stupid, Margaret, or did you have to work your whole life to get there? He wasn't "allowed to have a cigarette." That's why he'd sneaked out onto the fire escape to smoke, you cretinous cow.

The only "thorough investigation" should be into how Ms. Eastwood is able to speak with so few functional brain cells at her disposal.

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(Hat-tip to Derek M.)