Rolling Track
Federal judges have become so arrogant, they now believe they can restructure reality:
"Hello, sir!"
"Hello."
"Could you please taste these three oranges and tell me which one is better?"
"Uh... One of them is an apple."
"Piffle! They're all oranges!"
"No, that one is clearly an apple. It's red, it's got a stem, and it's apple-shaped."
"It's a differently-abled orange."
"Apple."
"Well... Just tell me which one would be the better orange if they were all oranges."
"You're an idiot."
"I'm a federal judge, sir!"
"Oh, sorry; you're an appointed idiot."
A federal judge has issued a preliminary injunction against a school district that will allow a wheelchair athlete to run at track events at the same time as her able-bodied teammates.
"The more I hear your argument, the more transparently arbitrary and capricious it becomes," the judge said to Blom and P. Tyson Bennett, who represented the Howard County Board of Education and the superintendent of the Howard County Public Schools. "She's not suing for blue ribbons, gold ribbons or money - she just wants to be out there when everyone else is out there."
"Hello, sir!"
"Hello."
"Could you please taste these three oranges and tell me which one is better?"
"Uh... One of them is an apple."
"Piffle! They're all oranges!"
"No, that one is clearly an apple. It's red, it's got a stem, and it's apple-shaped."
"It's a differently-abled orange."
"Apple."
"Well... Just tell me which one would be the better orange if they were all oranges."
"You're an idiot."
"I'm a federal judge, sir!"
"Oh, sorry; you're an appointed idiot."
posted by Jar(egg)head at 12:49
1 Comments:
This Federal Judge is obviously vying for the position of Handicapper General. Kurt Vonnegut in a short story predicted a world where everybody was equal. The strong were weighted with weights. The seeing had to wear goggles to cloud their vision. The smart had to wear headphones blaring caucaphaney so they couldn't concentrate.
The next Federal Judge will build on this one's and say that having some athelete's run and this poor girl in a wheelchair is unfair and that the runners must be tied to a wheelchair. Then the act of walking will be found to be offensive and outside of your own house you must, to be socially acceptable, use a wheelchair.
From Wilkpedia:
The term "Handicapper General" comes from the short story "Harrison Bergeron" by Kurt Vonnegut, which begins:
The year was 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren’t only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which way. Nobody was smarter than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than anybody else. Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and 213th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the unceasing vigilance of agents of the United States Handicapper General.
Vonnegut's story goes on to depict a dystopian future where competition has been stifled and equality for all is ensured by a system which mentally and physically handicaps individuals to the lowest common denominator, so that nobody is better than anyone else. Ultimately the story concludes with a confrontation between the title character and Diana Moon Glampers, the brutal and relentless Handicapper General
Handicapper General, therefore, has entered colloquial use as a pejorative term used to describe a person or institution that seeks to achieve equality of outcome by leveling down rather than leveling up, e.g., a school system that cancels advanced classes out of a fear of elitism.
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