Just Push the Button, Please

Another sign that the apocalypse is, hopefully, drawing nigh...

A friend told me a few days ago about a car he saw driving down the street with a wrap advertising "dog waste removal services." I thought he was pulling my leg, but this morning I saw one of them driving into my neighborhood as I was heading to work. I was really tempted to turn around and follow it to its destination so I could beat the occupants of the house senseless, but I realized it was too late for that.

Not only are you so stupid you're picking up free fertilizer and removing it from your yard, (like all animal feces, it is composed primarily of nitrates, which is great for the grass), but now you've become so lazy you can't even commit your own stupid acts. Instead, you are paying someone to do stupid things in your stead. If you don't want to step in it, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE FUCKING WALKING. If it's on the pavement, scoop it up and toss it into the nearest flower bed. Fuck's sake, people... This is stuff I learned when I was FIVE GODDAMNED YEARS OLD.

Global thermonuclear war is rapidly moving from an option to a necessity.