Darwin Loves...

...cheeseburgers:

A father of three choked to death as he tried to eat a McDonald's cheeseburger in one mouthful, an inquest has heard.

Darren Bray, 29, of Barry, Vale of Glamorgan, blacked out as he ate the 99p burger following a night out with friends in October 2015. Cardiff Coroner's Court heard Mr Bray, who had been drinking, but not enough to affect his judgement, died from a blockage to his airway.

The hearing was told Mr Bray said "watch this" to his friends as he squashed the burger in half and put it in his mouth.

"Not enough to affect his judgement"? So this was an example of rational and deliberate thinking on his part? Good riddance.

Unfortunately he'd already spawned (thrice), so no Darwin Award for him. Notice how the story led with "a father of three" in an attempt to set a sympathetic tone. When I see leads like that, I know we're dealing with a fucking idiot. Ex-idiot, in this case.

Friend Sam Bisgrove said: "I could see him trying to cough it up and he was making horrible coughing noises.

"I tried to hit his back to help him clear his airway."

Apparently his friends are morons, as well. I learned the Heimlich maneuver in the fourth grade. It takes about 60 seconds to teach even a child how to do it, but all Sam could do was pound his back like a half-wit retard. I'd say that entire table was a natural selection grenade target.

___